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 IM Stuck&very fed up

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Lolly

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Number of posts : 138
Localisation : yorkshire
Registration date : 2007-06-16

PostSubject: IM Stuck&very fed up   5/7/2007, 12:24 pm

hiya all,
sorry if u read my posts,
and Im repeating but Im so fed up today,
I have now been told CAMHS are gonna offer me an apt, to screen j for ADHD/ASD Ive also been assigned a support worker
last week I had one hell of a day on the school trip,it was to a church to see childrens work displays(inc my sons school)
my son announced he didnt do *bible bashing god squad shit* in a very loud voice,
when I asked him to behave & please hold my hand,we had one big kick off,he scratched(making me bleed)nipped,threw himself on the floor&told me i was a f*****g B***H then asked if the smell in there was *jesus farting*Embarassed

5 mins later hes right as rain,like nothing has happened!
he's also had his chair taken off him at school cos he cant sit still on it &has to kneel at the table,so he stormed out of class,ranting*why the f*** shud I not have a chair,I feel this is unfair & ive been to school about their *actions* only to be spoken down to,
it seems that the teachers are more patient&willing with children who have a dx and until then,my j is just naughty!
we had a *do* tonight at grandparents,J was in the garden trying to climb the fence ,so I asked him to put his trainers on,I got "NO" so I got his hand to prevent him clambering over the fence in order to put his trainers on..well that was it..he kicked,nipped,told me to get the f*** off him&called me a f*****g b***h and disappeared for 20 mins,
MY dad was shocked but supportive telling me to go home&he would send j home(our houses are literally 5 secs apart) eventually J came home&asked*wots for tea mum?*
I rang my dad who said he went back to his house like a different child & asked "grandad i left my jacket please can i have it..love you,bye"
my dad bless him said to persevere till i get the help he needs&that we will get through it,But they dont see the silent tears,bad dreams/sleepless nights,OK Im a single mum(dont wanna seem like im moaning)&have been since the boys *dear father* beat me throughout our marriage 10 years ago,so I divorced him:cheers:
please is/has any one else gone through this?
how do I hang on for his apt with CAMHS? what will they do? im tired of crying,best wishes to all of you xx
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Dillydorax



Number of posts : 23
Age : 49
Localisation : North-East
Registration date : 2007-03-15

PostSubject: Re: IM Stuck&very fed up   5/7/2007, 4:05 pm

Hi Lolly, just to let you know i have read ur posting, it's just very late that i have logged in and i'm knackered, one hell of a s****y day myself. And a long night ahead. Just to let you know im thinking about you, and it does get to us all at some point. So sending you a big hug.....i know it's not easy as i am also on my own, with two boys both Autistic, one severly. Anyway hope you get a good night's rest, I'm just getting prepared for the night shift lol. Depends what mode he is in, he is under his bed at the moment, so i am going to venture upstairs and see what he has in store for me. Sleep well. I will post u tomorrow so hopefully will be able to give you some advice then. Night Dilly xxxxx
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Lolly

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Number of posts : 138
Localisation : yorkshire
Registration date : 2007-06-16

PostSubject: Re: IM Stuck&very fed up   6/7/2007, 3:47 am

hi Dilly,thanks so much for the reply
Im sorry to hear your day was bad too,I really hope your little one didnt have too much in store for you&that u got some rest!
sending you a big:hug: also
hope you have a good day
Lolly xx
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mum2charlotte

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Number of posts : 811
Localisation : Surrey
Registration date : 2007-03-27

PostSubject: Re: IM Stuck&very fed up   6/7/2007, 5:26 am

Hi Lolly,

Never think that you are alone in this. You are not!

I find that the Jeckyll and Hyde bit of Charlotte's ASD extremely hard to handle as it really is like a switch being pulled and one minute she's an angel and the next she's a horrible little monster that I don't recognise. Shocked

She does all the things that you have mentioned, except the swearing (but that is only because she doesn't know any swear words yet!) and it, too, gets me down. Crying

An Outreach Teacher from a local Autistic school told me why she does it, and looking back it makes perfect sense. Charlotte is provoking me to be predictable. I put her in a new situation (family get together for father's day) which made her highly anxious (as she didn't know what to expect) and extremely excited (as she's only 5) and expected her to deal with it. She couldn't. It might have been in our own home, but these sort of things don't usually happen at home, we generally go to someone else's house. She tried, but in the end, her ASD won the (uneven) fight and she became violent and very aggressive (pinned me up against the kitchen wall!) affraid and my sister had to take her away upstairs. This was what she wanted all along. She can't ask to be banished to our room and she doesn't think to take herself off, instead she forces me to do it! With hindsight, I realise that if I know it's getting too much then I will take her away with me for a bit of 'time out'. Nowhere specific, just a quiet part of the house, or where ever, for a little cooling off time.

I try and avoid new things that are such a big deal. She isn't ready for them. If I can get out of it, then I will. If I can't, then I'm armed with books, cuddly toys (her obsession) and her camera which I use to focus her attention AND employ her mind. It doesn't always work, but I know that I have tried. If all else fails, I try a hug. Sometimes it's really all about reassurance. Might not work, but sometimes it does...

School and I are not exactly the best of friends right now, but to have his chair taken away is WRONG. It immediately marks him out to the other kids as different. How is he expected to work properly? Even if he doesn't usually; he CAN'T if he's kneeling on the table! What if he fell off the table and injured himself or another child? He was spot on when he argued his case, although maybe his language was a bit too fruity! Wink

I have found that it IS hard to get school to take you seriously when you are a single parent (I guarantee that they wouldn't talk to a man like they talk to us single mums) but, as Bambi and Dilly have both said to me, quite rightly too, that the only person who is capable of fighting for our kids is US. We can't let them down. They don't deserve it.

I don't know what your CAHMS will say or offer you, as it seems to vary depending on where you live but something will come out of this, and when you get a dx, then you will know what you are dealing with. That made so much difference to me, as C displays behaviour that looks just like a naughty child having a tantrum. I know it isn't, and it's that which made so much difference to me and my handling of her condition.

You come here and moan and worry and let off steam as much as you like, it's a big part of why we are here. Even if there is nobody who can give you an answer, there will always be someone to offer support, and us parents (single or not) need that! hugging
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Bambi
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Age : 44
Localisation : West Yorkshire
Registration date : 2007-03-11

PostSubject: Re: IM Stuck&very fed up   6/7/2007, 5:33 am

Hi Lolly

First of all u are in need of these hugging hugging and lots of em!

I can truly understand how ur feeling and how low u are, we are all living with special needs being a big part of our lives. Your son sounds like my son in some ways and i cannot cope most of the time with the violence and swearing at me especially in the playground at the end of a school day.

My experience with CAHMS has not been a good one but that doesnt mean it wont be any good for u (different areas vary in terms of help and support). I would say they are meant to help with coping strategies for ur child and urself (i think!) and by the sounds of it u really are at the end of ur tether! hug

I would phone CAHMS and chase them up with u being in a desperate situation, i cry a lot of days when i just want the stresses to ease up and for life not to be this hard. See what they say when u explain how things are bad and they should speed things up failing that i would contact ur MP and ask him/her to contact them on ur behalf.

Wishing u all the best and whenever u need to let off steam, cry and rant go ahead! thats what we are here for Wink

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Lolly

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Number of posts : 138
Localisation : yorkshire
Registration date : 2007-06-16

PostSubject: Re: IM Stuck&very fed up   9/7/2007, 11:05 am

Awww thanks so much everyone,I realise Im not alone and I appreciate all of your replies:hugging:
J was getting called names in class so told the TA,who j says did nothing&this person got away with it so J walked out of his class as he was upset and was told he would get a red card for it,
TA was trying to get j back in his class&he was shouting
"no i wont u cant make make u b***h"
(quite mild for j so I was impressed,NOT that Im impressed when he does swear!)
I witnessed this as it was hometime..TA's face changed when she saw me&J was given an orange instead of red8) funny that init!
hugs to you all
lolly xx
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GrandmaKyak

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Number of posts : 897
Localisation : East Anglia
Registration date : 2007-03-12

PostSubject: Re: IM Stuck&very fed up   9/7/2007, 4:30 pm

hugging hugging hugging
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Lolly

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Number of posts : 138
Localisation : yorkshire
Registration date : 2007-06-16

PostSubject: Re: IM Stuck&very fed up   10/7/2007, 12:03 pm

well am feeling more positive today..my support worker came,WHAT A LOVELY LADY:-U:
She is gonna get in touch with the school about my concerns for j&the lack of support,
she is also ringing CAMHS for me 2moro to try and push J further up the list as she feels I've had a lot to cope with and Its getting harder for me,
she also said,though she cant dx, from what she's seen&heard its looking positively towards ADHD.
at that point j rushed in demanding tea&when I said it wouldnt be long,I got "IT WILL TAKE F*****G AGES..F**KS SAKE,as he rushed out again!
she didnt bat an eyelid!
I apologised&she told me dont apologise love,Ive seen worse lol.so fingers crossed Im finally getting somewere..Im even gonna have a:drinkwine: and one for the rest of you fantastic people:hug:
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misty

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Age : 44
Registration date : 2007-03-12

PostSubject: Re: IM Stuck&very fed up   10/7/2007, 12:07 pm

Thats great news thumbup I hope things start moving for you now xxx
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GrandmaKyak

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Number of posts : 897
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Registration date : 2007-03-12

PostSubject: Re: IM Stuck&very fed up   10/7/2007, 3:09 pm

Sounds very positive! xx
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Lolly

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Number of posts : 138
Localisation : yorkshire
Registration date : 2007-06-16

PostSubject: Re: IM Stuck&very fed up   12/7/2007, 1:34 am

thanks peeeps:D hug hug
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Lolly

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Number of posts : 138
Localisation : yorkshire
Registration date : 2007-06-16

PostSubject: Re: IM Stuck&very fed up   13/7/2007, 1:00 am

morning everyone...well what a day yesterday...the head called me in&said she has concerns about j's behaviour and that he's on the waiting list for the Education phsycologist.
we talked about everything and she assured me we can all work together for j&get him the help he needs and that they understand& will gentle &supportive with&around him and will also support me all the way as even the head seems to think he has ADHD
well well well can u believe that eh!
FINALLY..ive been taken seriously&not dismissed as a nagging mother:dance: .I came out of the heads office in a daze!
but at least things are looking even more positve now:groupwave:
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kebab

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Age : 40
Localisation : Northants
Registration date : 2007-03-14

PostSubject: Re: IM Stuck&very fed up   13/7/2007, 2:10 am

woo hoo! it just goes to show that persistence pays of, really pleased for you x:yahoo:
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Bambi
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Localisation : West Yorkshire
Registration date : 2007-03-11

PostSubject: Re: IM Stuck&very fed up   13/7/2007, 9:04 am

thumbup about time hun im really pleased for ya yahoo yahoo

Forward and on! I bet u feel a whole lot better in urself to know u ARE being taken seriously now and not being blamed, i hope J gets all the help he needs Smile

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