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misty

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Number of posts : 783
Age : 44
Registration date : 2007-03-12

PostSubject: Has anyone?   12/6/2007, 4:14 am

I was wondering if anyone else on here has been through pregnancy while caring for their ASD child. Weve spent a few years wanting this and now Im finding it abit hard going at times. Hubs works strange shifts, 12 hours which are more like 14 or 15 with travelling, he does get several days off but its very hard going when he is on shift and with no family close by to call on no matter what situations come up with dd I have to dig in and deal with it on my own (mostly what gets me is having no one to chat to except on the phone) Respite helps but its every 6-8 weeks wish it was more frequent really but the break is good when it comes. Just really wanted to know how other people have managed, its the keeing up with dd that is getting to me at the mo by the time Ive followed her into another room she has normally done whatever she had in mind, egg throwing/ climbing etc. On the other hand tho Im really looking forward to telling her Im pregnant, tho Im planning on waiting a while longer before I do, now she has more speech and understanding, she already knows babys come from mummys tummys, I think she will be excited. I think having a brother or sister will do dd the world of good and I think shes ready for it thumbup
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Donna K

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Age : 37
Localisation : Merseyside
Registration date : 2007-03-12

PostSubject: Re: Has anyone?   25/6/2007, 6:07 am

Well, as you ask LOL Very Happy I am pregnant now too Very Happy Baby due in December Very Happy

My son hasn't been dx yet, BUT...

A is my middle child, so while I was having my youngest, he was 9 months old when I found out I was having him and his sister wasn't of school age either, so I had the pair of them to look after affraid I ended up being extrememly shattered all the time, my ex (their dad) was out at work all hours he could get, probably mroe to get away from the hassle than earn extra money Rolling Eyes but yes, it was extremely hard and A would constantly be awake and demanding and crawlilng everywhere banging his head on the floor as he went and rocked against walls and doors to head bang and would lie on his back throwing his arms and legs about banging his head on the floor and grabbing his older sister ansd often hitting her with toys or anything he would get his hands on! He was fast too once he was off! I was constantly tired and worn out with it.

Once the baby came, he carried on being as he is, I kept expressing my concerns to HV etc but they didn't seem too bothered Sad It was kind of harder trying to juggle the baby with him and the eldest had started part time school which made things a bit easier there and it eased off a bit once the eldest started her full year of full time, but during that time my marriage broke up so I was left with the three of them on my own, living at my mums!!

Since then, I got on a lot further with trying to find out what was wrong with A and they started putting the behaviour down to my ex being violent and the break up having effects, Rolling Eyes what they have failed to see is that I was concerned pretty much from birth with a lot of things with him, as you just *know* when somethng's not right...
blahblah

Anyway, I met someone wonderful and eventually moved in and now we're having our own child together, my two older children are full time school and the youngest part time, going full time in Sept Very Happy I still find it hard once A is home from school as he is very violent and aggressive and hurts us all, plus he's hard to chase after with me having very little energy! when he drops to the floor kicking and screaming I do not have the strength to move him and when he challenges me, like when I put im on the stairs for anything, he's very strong and those situtions are very hard to avoid... I have been told not to try and pick him up or move him etc and try not to be too close to him when he's like that as he can harm me and the baby, so this time he's mroe of a danger than anything, yet I still can't really get any help and move things along any quicker with the paeds etc so it's stress all the way!! Sad So I kind of know what you're going through and you're not alone in finding things hard, thankfully my OH works 8 hour days so is usually home regular times (traffic permiting) and home weekends too so he does do what he can Smile

hugging
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misty

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PostSubject: Re: Has anyone?   25/6/2007, 1:50 pm

Congratulations, Im due in December aswell. Dont know about you but my main concern is that dd is an esape artist and very fast, tho I do think she is ready for a sibling. She seems to have stopped hitting me which is a bonus, thumbup
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Donna K

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PostSubject: Re: Has anyone?   25/6/2007, 2:11 pm

LOL, how bizarre is that!! Will be funny if they arrive on the same day! Very Happy Congratulations to you too Wink

I know about escape artists, although A wasn't good at escaping when he was crawling, he is now! Once he started walking we had to put wedges under the doors so he couldn's open them and leg it. We moved to a bigger house not long after my youngest was born and he had a gate on his bedroom door. He managed to climb over that and throw a toy box over that he had emptied and gone down stairs, stood on the box and opened the door. I was in bed asleep and didn't know until a neigbour brought him back and woke me shouting affraid he had left the door open and he had stripped before wandering off too, so all he had on was a sopping wet nappy! affraid Since then we have always had more locks on doors and tried to make sure he can't get out in any way!!

I hope your dd is ready for the baby, but you may get tantrums with routines etc being disturbed and the crying may upset dd if the noise affects her.

I have no idea if A is ready or not, he's hard to read. We told the children over the weekend about our impendng arrival, the girls were happy and got all excited, he just stood there, looked down with slumped shoulders, then screamed "No!" a few times, hit his hands to his head, then threw himself at my OH and wouldn't let go of him! He started getting upset when he was asked if he wants a brother or sister, then he said we can call it monkey chimp or lightning (from the film cars) Rolling Eyes he has since said he wants it to be a boy monkey but he doesn't want a baby LOL.

He has plenty of time to get used to it, but in all honesty I don't know how he will be at the time. His reaction to being told surprised me to be honest! I thought he would have probably just run off into the other room, instead he clung to my OH.

I told him baby will be here before christmas, than try and explain dates, so they have a better idea of when to expect baby. He hasn't mentioned or asked about it since, just screamed when the eldest has said she wants a little sister. Screaming is a reaction to a lot of things and for some reason, more so with his big sister, even when she's not doing anything, he gets wound up about her being near him etc so it's hard to tell why he does it Smile He's the noisiest person in the house, yet can demand complete silence from everyone else at times LOL, I just hope he doesn't react to the baby crying by covering the mouth to shut it up or throw something at it or pick it up etc, I really will need eyes in the back of my head!! affraid He may just ignore it all, who knows Very Happy
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kebab

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PostSubject: Re: Has anyone?   26/6/2007, 12:28 am

Congratulations Donna:hooray: , hope all goes well with your pregnancy, Grandma will be pleased 2 babies at the same time woo!hoo! be prepared for plenty of fussing x
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Donna K

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PostSubject: Re: Has anyone?   26/6/2007, 2:36 am

LOL, thanks Kebab Very Happy

I have been wondering.... I am struggling at the moment with A because he's extremely strong and hits me, kicks me, head butts me, drops to the floor and pushes against me etc, he's so aggressive and strong it's unbelieveable. I struggled with him before I was pregnant when he was like this but now it's harder....I'm actually scared he will really hurt me, resulting in harming the baby so I am trying to avoid him when I can.

The paed wasn't overy bothered when I told her my concerns, GP said I need help, school say I need help, Sure Start have told me to keep away from him because he's a real danger to me now and the baby when it arrives. Sure start are unable to help me with him now he's over 5 or they would do anything they can for me.

I don't know what to do, I didn't know if anyone else has been through this at all? I feel bad keeping A at arms length when I don't get to cuddle him much as it is but I worry about the baby.

How is it for you Misty, with a 9 year old? That must be so much harder as she will be so much bigger and stronger than A and could potentially cause more harm. I know you have mentioned that she's stopped hitting you etc, but could she still flip and hurt you?
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misty

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PostSubject: Re: Has anyone?   26/6/2007, 2:51 am

hugging hugging that sounds hard Donna, it really frustrates me that once a child has reached a certain age the groups there help us tell us they carnt help anymore then leave us with nothing to replace it. Have you got a SW? We have respite for dd but thats once every 8 weeks or so for a few nights which is lovely when it comes but we have a huge wait in between. If you havent got a SW you can ring them to request an assesment for respite. Ive just got a new SW after around 6 months without one and she has told me she might be able to offer me more help when the baby comes so we are going to be putting that in place hopefully.

I do worry that dd will turn even tho she seems to have stopped hitting, ve got quite good at recognising the warning signs now, she gets very giddy and silly before she hits out so I tend to move out the room. My main concern is her general behaviour and keeping up with her as I get bigger especailly out side so Im still using a major buggy as she dosent respond to stop or wait for mummy or respond to her name if she runs off and would run into a road without even thinking about it, so the best thing for me is to keep her safely stapped into the buggy.

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Donna K

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PostSubject: Re: Has anyone?   26/6/2007, 4:56 am

Yikes, this is going to be a long response :|

I know, I think I moved here at the wrong time!! Where I was before offered nothing, here we have something called the star centre where they take children in and assess them, but they cut off at 5 and because A was 4.5 when I moved here, they wouldn't take him on. My friend has recently been dropped from star centr now her son is 5 and she feels lost now. I told sure start about A when I first came here too and they told me not to label him (the usual) and didn't seem that bothered as he was about to start school they said if there's anything school will pick it up. Now they have seen what a struggle I have been having and have tried and tried to help but with him being over 5 they are very limited in what they can do for me with him and have been told from people above them to let school deal with it.

I have had meetings with the head master here and he said yes, he has seen things and A does show a lot of the signs of ADHD and AS from his previous experience but then said if I want help to go through the GP as it will be quicker than through school, he then said he won't help me further!! (He happens to be the SENCO too) The next thing he came to me with was social services when he saw me in the corridor in floods of tears after a hard morning trying to get A into school, I wasn't sure what he was getting at, but gave him the benefit of the doubt as he told me I need help and they would help me. A few days later he came to me with a number to ring for help. I rung and it was the bloody child protection dept! :o She said she didn't have a clue what the head was on about when he rung, so told him to pass her number to me so she could speak with me in person, she told me what their dept does and said it's completely the wrong dept as they deal with preotecting children, not helping families so apologised she couldn't help me, but never told me of anyone that could so that was that Sad I would like an SW though. I am in touch with Parent Partnership, although I've not spoken to them for a while now, I need to ring them again and bring them up to speed and see what they suggest. I can sometimes spot the warning signs with A, but sometimes hes very unpredictable.

It will be brilliant of the SW can offer alot more help and support for you when baby arrives, not sure if they could do with doing a bit more for you now too though, as you're going to start feeling it if I;m anything to go by, I'm exhausted all the time!!

I have asked school for help, in an official meeting SEN support said they would get BEST team involved for me for home support. I heard nothing, so called them myself and got a load of grief from the SEN support for doing it, her telling me he doesnt need help and a label! I need the help though and the label could give me more access to more help!! Stupid woman! His teacher denied everythig she had told me and OH in that meeting, the EP saw him for an hour and said she saw nothing indicitive of ASD, yet her letter, even though it stated that, also mentioned a lot of things she observed that ARE all indivitive,so she contradicted herself. School nurse has seen A headbang and various other things, when she spoke up she got talked over by SEN support and felt she couldn't say anythng, so to me they were just trying to sweep it under the carpet IMO.

Since then I have had occasions where I've barely been able to get A out of the school yard and gate and I have had to take him back for teacher to deal with as he proved too much and she took a while to calm him down. One afternoon I didn't even get out the yard, I was in tears, he was terrible, teacher was too busy to see to him as she was sweeping a link corridor Rolling Eyes and it took another teacher and two classroom assistants to calm hi enough for me to be able to get him home. SInce then teacher has insisted I need help and told me of the things she's seen etc, told me she would chase up BEST, ring SS for me and the NSPCC, all I got out of all that was a number for a behavioural advisor, I will see this woman, but I dont think it will do much good, if I am honest, I need practical hands on help, not someone telling me how to deal with him, I have alredy done a course and exhausted all the methods!

I don't have a major buggy, but it would be great!! A just will not listen when we're out, he has to be physically pulled away from road edges and have to grab him as soon as he's out of the car before he runs off, then when you hold onto him he will pull or drop to the floor, if he has a wrist strap he drops to the floor too, so a buggy would be fantastic, like you say, safely strapped in away from danger, I could go in shops without worrying about him running off Smile He has no sense of danger and doesn't always answer or respond, as if he's not heard you. When we go to Asda, he has to be in the trolley. We would never get shopping done otherwise. The onnly other issue I have is that there are certin shops that he will refuse to go into and will scream the place down all the way round, often before we're near the doors etc. It's odd really!
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