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 HELP don't know what to do about DS school!

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emma37



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PostSubject: HELP don't know what to do about DS school!   4/6/2007, 2:04 pm

Please can I have some advice, I don't know what to do. Max my ten year old has high functioning autism and dyspraxia. He suffers severly from anxiety (as most of our children do). School is the worst case for him. He changed school a year and a half ago to his present school (this was before the diagnosis). I told the school he was a very emotional child and needed a lot of reassurance, not a problem i was told. This past school year has got increasingly worse. He has no friends in his year group, he used to play with kids in the lower years but now they don't want to play with him because he finds it difficult to interact. He gets called names, no-one talks to him, they come and wipe their hands on him and then wipe it onto someone else saying they have 'maxlergy'. The worst of all happened two weeks ago when three year three boys pinned him face down on the floor and then kicked a football at his head! I kept him of school the next day because i wanted an explanation from the school (they hadn't bothered to inform me of the incident). The head got really shirty and said there was no reason for M to be off school! We have come to a compromise and M stays in at lunchtime and goes out for 10 minutes before the end of break, but why should M have to stay in? M and i went to see his CAMs councellor today who was appalled. He has said he will come in to school and speak up for M and explain his needs. He couldn't believe that they haven't got the autistic advisory service in (M was diagnosed in February this year). My gut feeling is to get M to the doctors and ask for a note explaining that M is becoming so anxious it is affecting his psychological well-being, which is pretty shaky anyway. This is until the school sort something out i.e support and put into action what the Ed Psych advised back in March, which they haven't done, change schools or send him in, wait for them to pull their finger out but in the meantime allow the possibility of M getting more abuse. AAAAGGGGHHHH what do i do??????
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Bambi
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PostSubject: Re: HELP don't know what to do about DS school!   4/6/2007, 2:30 pm

Hi emma, i am guessing ur son has no statement of special educational needs then? U can apply for this urself without the school having to start the process. U will need to write a letter to the SEN dept at the LEA stating ur request for ur son to be assessed for a statement of special educational needs, take a look at this link:

http://www.opsi.gov.uk/acts/acts2001/10010--b.htm

Also in the meantime i would suggest u request a meeting of all professionals involved so they ALL the get the picture regarding ur sons special needs, dont be fobbed off like it doesnt matter or he is 'fine in school' when he clearly is not! sorry i get so angry when schools try to hide the real hard facts and are ignorant to the obvious.

In the meeting make notes (take someone with u for an extra pair of ears) also make minutes for what u want to discuss during the meeting and after the meeting document the outcome of the issues u clearly stated during the meeting (this is ur proof and amunition if needed later Wink ).

U will be made to feel like u dont know best yet they do and all is fine, well it isnt fine and we know our children better than anyone! My son has been out of school for 6 months now due to anxiety and depression about attending school (he is only 6 yr old) and the verbal and physical bullying he endured, the LEA done care and to this day not one hour of home tution has been given to my son, even with medical evidence as to why he cant attend school. I have had no choice but to seek legal help and all is now in the hands of my solicitor (specialises in SEN for kids with SN) it was the best thing i could ever of done.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

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emma37



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PostSubject: Re: HELP don't know what to do about DS school!   4/6/2007, 2:39 pm

Thanks Bambi
No he hasn't got a statement, my DD has she is five and in a specialist school. I had to get het statement because the mainstream nursery said she would cope in mainstream reception!! DD has autism also. I agree with what you said about the meeting etc but I know that if I send M in they will drag their heels on organising this especially with it only seven weeks till the end of the school year. This then means that M is in the firing line for the abuse. My gut instinct is to ring tomorrow blag and say he has a throat infection and take him to the doctors and explain the situation. Then write the letter asking for a meeting and then see how quick their response is. At least that way I will know M is safe.
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misty

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PostSubject: Re: HELP don't know what to do about DS school!   4/6/2007, 2:39 pm

First I want to send you some hugging I hope once the person from CAMS has been into school things will start to improve for your son. I think its also a good idea to ask your doctor for that letter so you will have 2 proffesionals backing you, could you also contact the ed pshyc again? I carnt really advice you what to do, but with my own daughter it became very apparant at age 5 that mainstream was no longer an option but she is much lower functioning. It could help you to visit some of the other schools in the area both mainstream and special to see what they have to offer before making any decisions.

Take care xxx
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emma37



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PostSubject: Re: HELP don't know what to do about DS school!   4/6/2007, 2:47 pm

Thanks Misty

I needed the hug, Hubby is being very supportive. He isn't M's real dad but is totally commited to him. Asked his advice and he said he would send him in but write a letter etc but the maternal bit is getting in the way, how much abuse can one little boy take? It's heart breaking! He also said that if I wanted to keep M at home then that is fine with him to and can also see why I would want to. The school are really trying my patience, when we got the Ed Psych report in January we asked for a meeting to ask how the school would implement them, we finally got the meeting in April and that was rushed; we had the senco and teacher both saying they could only give us fifteen minutes because that had other commitments! Unfortunately these were not my son
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emma37



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PostSubject: Re: HELP don't know what to do about DS school!   5/6/2007, 3:19 am

Well I've done it,
M is off school. Seems all of the talking about his experiences at school has opened the flood gates and he was really worried, anxious and altogether miserable this morning knowing he had to go to school. DH was worried about him. We had several outbursts this morning, just because M couldn't cope with the prospect of the day ahead. M told me he was really scared because of what might happen. So he made my mind up for me. Have a doc's appointment at 11.30, see if I can get her to write to the school to give M some breathing space while I organise a meeting with the proffesionals involved to get things better for him. Keep you posted.
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misty

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PostSubject: Re: HELP don't know what to do about DS school!   5/6/2007, 3:22 am

hugging You have to do what you think is right for your son. Looking back I would have taken dd out of the mainstream school earlier than I did, we waited 6 months for the LEA to pull their socks up and finally agree to a place in a special school, in that time she started self harming (pulling out hair) and actually escaped over a fence, luckily she was caught before she reached the road that was teryfying as she has no sense of danger. It would no doubt have taken alot longer to secure her a place in another school if I had have taken her out of school though.
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misty

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PostSubject: Re: HELP don't know what to do about DS school!   5/6/2007, 3:24 am

Sorry our posts crossed, good for you taking him out thumbup it certainly seems to be what he needs I hope this is the shake up the school needs to realise they are not meeting his needs hugging
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Bambi
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PostSubject: Re: HELP don't know what to do about DS school!   5/6/2007, 3:52 am

Good for u hun! Tell the GP exactly how it is and get him to sign ur son off, this way u are covered and u wont be blamed for his non school attendance for the time being, well we would hope so anyway!

U are ur son's advocate and no-one else can fight his battles for him so u give it to em hun, u know best, he is ur son and dont ever let them make u think different!

Keep us posted hug

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GrandmaKyak

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PostSubject: Re: HELP don't know what to do about DS school!   5/6/2007, 6:08 am

Stay strong for your son & Good Luck with the battle ahead! xx
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PostSubject: Re: HELP don't know what to do about DS school!   5/6/2007, 6:14 am

Hope it went well at the gp's hug
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emma37



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PostSubject: Re: HELP don't know what to do about DS school!   5/6/2007, 7:07 am

Well the gp was most helpful, she gave me a website address about bullying! Shocked She advised that M and I sit down together and read it hmm No signing off nothing, just told to take each day as it comes. Have decided to do just that. I will be writing to the school advising them of taking M to gp. Also we need a meeting asap, with teacher, head, senco and ourselves; I want them to justify when receiving the ep's report in Feb that they did not meet with us until April. Also why they have not met the ideas in the report. Also why when M was diagnosed in Feb wasn't the autistic advisory team contacted. I will also tell them that we are looking for other education providers. Also that we are going for a statement. I have had this battle before with dd old school so nothing new in any of this. I reckon head will probably tell me where to go but in a more polite manner. I don't think they are bothered with M I think it's all money, maybe i'm just being synical hmm
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Bambi
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PostSubject: Re: HELP don't know what to do about DS school!   5/6/2007, 8:47 am

Seems to fo gone well then and nope u are not being synical, it sure is all about funding and manpower!

Let us know how the meeting goes and im not suprised they havent done what they damn well should of! nothing is ever easy for us is it?! Mad

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