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 Will your child go with absent parent?

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Bambi
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PostSubject: Will your child go with absent parent?   19/4/2007, 1:16 pm

Hi guys

Well me & Ts dad have been seperated since he was 2 and he has always struggled with going to his dads, when he was younger and had no language really he would be violent to me within minutes of him being back after a weekend with his dad. Only now do i realise why and at the time i really couldnt understand it. To this day nearly 5 yrs later its the same! I will get violence and he refuses to go a lot of the time (says he hates his dad and he always shouts at him) his dad lives down south and sometimes when he comes for T he refuses to go resulting in his dad driving all the way back home without him. I long for the break but T loses the plot about going with him and i really do not know what to do Sad

The thing is T goes fine to stay at his GrandmaKyak's who he doesnt see for months at a time and will go with my immediately family if he wishes to and my close friends down south. I see it as his dad has no understanding and his time with him must be quite sad for him bless him. I know when others have him they understand T fully and they attend to him to make him as comfy as poss and they do enjoy having him, so what is his dad doing so wrong?

All i know is i could have a weekend to myself every 3 weeks but T is refusing point blank to go with him and i have talked with him to try and explain for many months now but to no avail. He has seen his close friends go with their dads and i say 'see ur friends do it and its fun time' but nope T is not budging! I have also said to him this week that i will go with them in the car down south and we will come back together and he can see all his friends who live near his dad's, again no joy.

While T was in hospital his dad told me he would rather sit inside on his own playing the PS2 when he has him rather than go mingle with the kids in the area, i never knew that.

Everything is such a battle and i long for T to be happy to go for fun times with his dad but nearly 5 yrs later he is still not happy with going, i doubt he ever will be now Sad

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mum2charlotte

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PostSubject: Re: Will your child go with absent parent?   19/4/2007, 1:29 pm

Oooh, it's a toughie isn't it?

Luckily (in this respect) it's not a problem I have to contend with as C's father said that he wanted us "to leave him alone to get on with his own life". I believe he's married now.....

I would be very reluctant to let T go if it was me. He is clearly unhappy there, possibly because his dad can't/won't understand about T, so why put him through it. Is there no way T's dad can stay at yours? T might be happier in his own home, but I realise that it might not be suitable (I don't know your circumstances). Plus the fact that you then have it taken out on you when T gets back.

I know how much you need the break away from T (I need one too, but C is younger and we are only fighting PDA, so your need is much greater than mine!) but is it really worth it?

Can T not stay with your friends down here and his dad just visit him there?

I wish I had THE answer to this, I really do.... hug
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Bambi
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PostSubject: Re: Will your child go with absent parent?   19/4/2007, 1:42 pm

Bless ya hun and im so sorry ur daughter doesnt have her dad in her life Sad

I do think its not gonna happen and whats the point in all the stress when he wont go anyway, i have no prob him staying here but i doubt he would, even if it is to be with his son.

He is in the caribbean at the mo (selfish ******) so when i hear from him whenever that is i will tell him how it is and its his choice then here or not at all, thats how it is and its Ts choice nothing to do with me.

Thanx for the advice hun i appreciate it Wink

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mum2charlotte

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PostSubject: Re: Will your child go with absent parent?   19/4/2007, 2:46 pm

You're welcome sweeting hug
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PostSubject: Re: Will your child go with absent parent?   20/4/2007, 3:18 am

S hasn't seen his dad since he was 3 months old and we were toying with the idea of trying to get in touch to see if that would help him but, unfortunately he is unreliable and i don't think this will help S in the long term to be let down i think and so does the Psychologist that at the moment this could set him back as he has so much trouble dealing with his emotions. As a child who relies on routine this is one trigger we don't want. My daughter A's father has announced that he is taking her to the USA at the end of June for 2 weeks, we haven't told him yet and we're not sure how or when as we know that there will be fireworks.
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Bambi
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PostSubject: Re: Will your child go with absent parent?   27/4/2007, 5:13 am

T is still refusing to go to his dads for a weekend every 3 weeks (T has no probs going to stay at Grandma's or a close friends without me). I have spoke with T about going, trying really hard to assure him it wil be fine but its not happening. I spoke with his dad this week and told him what T has said and that he goes to other people fine but he wont go with him.

Maybe i was harsh in telling him this but its reality and Ts dad needs to get a grip on this sooner rather than later (if he ever does!). His dad said it doesnt make him feel good to know this but i explained thats how it is and i would love T to go as i really could do with the break but i cant & wont force him when he gets so upset & violent about it.

So his dad said well i cant not see him, i then (yes me) suggested well maybe u can come up on a day ur not working and spend time with him here? his dad said ok then i will be up on Saturday before 12 noon and what happens then? god knows! but i know T wont be happy about having to see his dad, in my home maybe better than trying to force him to go with him.

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marshmallow

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PostSubject: Re: Will your child go with absent parent?   27/4/2007, 5:20 am

Seems a good place to start, maybe T will feel more in control of the situation on 'home territory' and start rebuilding the relationship from there? It's good that his Dad seems to want to try. Good luck.
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misty

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PostSubject: Re: Will your child go with absent parent?   27/4/2007, 5:28 am

I really hope this works out Bambi hugging maybe in time T will build the confidence to go to the park with his dad and eventually spend a weekend but this should be taken really slowly, good luck hun xxx
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GrandmaKyak

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PostSubject: Re: Will your child go with absent parent?   27/4/2007, 7:31 am

Proud of you cos I know thats not an easy decision for you. xx
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Bambi
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PostSubject: Re: Will your child go with absent parent?   27/4/2007, 9:52 am

Thanx everyone I love you

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