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 I really need some advice here...

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mum2charlotte

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PostSubject: I really need some advice here...   14/7/2008, 7:17 am

...This could be a long one, so I hope you're sitting comfortably! (Or in Grandma's case: drink wine Tee Hee!)

Right then:

Once Upon a Time there was a little girl called Charlotte who started mainstream school in 2006.

Two months after starting full time in Reception class she was diagnosed with PDA.

In the months that followed C and her Autistic Spectrum Disorder were repeatedly ignored by the class teacher who would DEMAND that C sit on the carpet at carpet time with all the other children (who are all NT as far as I know), DEMAND that C get changed from PE in the same time as all the other children, ALLOW C to leave the classroom as and when she felt like it and then NOT KNOW WHERE SHE WAS and REFUSE to admit that C had any kind of problem other than attitude.

For example, C has (and always has had) a real problem with getting dressed. Beit in the morning (it's got so bad that we are awaiting a visit from the OT) or before and after PE. It's too much and there are so many demands on her that she gets anxious. So this teacher calls me in saying "SHE'S refusing to get dressed". SHE?????? She???? Where I come from "she" is the cat's mother, NOT my PDA daughter! ranting I can't tell you what I felt like saying to that in reply, because it's very very rude.

I know that this teacher shouted at C as I live next door to the school and I could hear her yelling MY daughter's name when they had PE on the field. Talking of the field, C is a bolter. Give her an open doorway, and she's through it. Like a greyhound out of a trap. So, they go on the field and C runs. It's all part of her Autism, she can't help it. This teacher told her off for being selfish.

I complained bitterly to the then head teacher, (school referred her for the assesment and dx, by the way) only to be told that they were "on a steep learning curve". What???? So I wasn't then? I had NO idea that C was PDA or ASD or anything. But I didn't have a learning curve? ranting

I could give many more examples, but you get the gist?

So, this teacher falls pregnant and leaves.

She is replaced by a fabulous, gentle, friendly teacher who all the children adore. I have no idea if she's a good teacher or not, and I don't care because C no longer gets anxious about PE or "carpet time" she doesn't leave the classroom as she has a safe haven to go to INSIDE the class. C now adores school.

The lovely teacher stayed with the class when they entered Year 1 and C has come on in leaps and bounds. She is doing everything I had ever hoped for, and a very large part of it is down to the lovely teacher.

Imagine my horror when I heard (unofficially) this morning that the Reception class teacher is coming back as C's Year 2 class teacher. Shocked

C will regress as she didn't like the woman in the first place. "Too shout-ish" was her actual comment. In my opinion this teacher is very close to being a bully and she will not help C in any way.

So....what would you do?

Should I keep C at school, knowing that she will be unhappy but it will only be in the short term until we move

Should I pull C out of school at the end of term (next week) and not return in the Autumn even though we might still be living in the same house

Do I wait and see? Would this woman have changed? Am I reacting to something that might have happened before but may not happen in the future? Should I allow C to suffer when I can do something to prevent it (pull her out of school?)

HEEEELLLLLPPPP!
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Lolly

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   14/7/2008, 9:36 am

this is a tough one hun,i had a similar experience with j at his old school but he was being bulllied,i went in countless times about this but was fobbed off& i was told he was making it up/lying&then they went on about how he disrupts the class by leaving the room&swinging on his chair etc.I thought about removing him but didnt want him to be apart from his friends,my mind was made up to move him&his brother the day he said to me"im no-one special im just j&i walk round the playground on my own hoping i dont get bullied"
so if he was making this up,why did the bed wetting start!
he never went back&tried to settle into his new school but he was so disruptive,so after a meeting with school(while he was going thru the process of being diagnosed) they decided it best if he only attend mornings as he was finding it hard to cope&that he could go back full time once he had his medication sorted out.i had to home school him in the afternoon and tried to make it as fun as possible,i set up a little classroom in the toy room and school gave me his work AND homework,I can honestly say it was the worst few months ever,trying to teach him at home,with no meds and trying to have routine,make it relaxed for him but try get him to do his workfun as possible,i set up a little classroom in the toy room and school gave me his work AND homework,I can honestly say it was the worst few months ever,trying to teach him at home,with no meds and trying to have routine,make it relaxed for him but try get him to do his work,I know u want whats best for C and no 2 kids are the same lol but having j at home was a real testing time,I dont think that woman will have changed&can u not ask the school if C could have a different teacher(prob not possible!)or the poor thing is gonna hate school forever, soz imnot much help I know but thought id reply any hoo hug
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mum2charlotte

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   14/7/2008, 10:15 am

Thanks Lolly! hug

I'm desperately trying to move house anyway, so C wouldn't be going to that school anyway. I can't send her to a new school as I know she wouldn't cope with it, so I have no choice but to home school. I want to do it, and she wants it too. Well, most of the time!

She's not on meds, so I don't have that to try and cope with, and the area we want to move to has all the facilities that we don't have here. Well, they ARE here, but the waiting lists are 5 years long or closed completely! glare

Sadly, there is no choice but to have this teacher, and although C has said that she doesn't mind this teacher (she came home telling me about it. I wasn't prepared to tell her what I knew as I didn't want to colour her opinion in any way), I can't help but remember the tears and the meltdowns I had to go through after school due to this woman and the way she reacted to C and her condition. C was so much happier when she had the lovely teacher she has now.

The over-riding image I have in my head right now is that teacher telling me about C and her "stimming" and LAUGHING about it. Deeply unprofessional and if it weren't for the fact that I'd have been done for GBH I would happily have punched her clean across the room. How DARE she? Would she laugh if C only had 1 leg? Or if she bumped into something because she was partially sighted?

Bullied by other children is bad enough, but when the teacher ridicules your child, what hope is there? Crying
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Bambi
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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   14/7/2008, 3:19 pm

Awww hun hugging hugging

I feel for u here, i really do and what do u do? i dunno what to say Sad

I know u have spoke about wanting to do home schooling for a while now and i can see that it is more to do with not enough understanding within the school environment and i can totally relate to that, shocking really that our children can be put through things like this but it happens all the time and nationwide ranting

I did pull T out of one school to home school him and i did this because he was in a mess, he would come home after school and cower in the corner of the room screaming not to be touched when no-one was even near him (dad witnessed this on one occaision) he would be flapping like crazy going to & from the school and was hurting kids on a dialy basis, several times a day. The crunch for me came when T had to be held by his arm, not his hand, just to walk to another part of the school because he ran off everytime he wasnt held, my son was not coping in this school and was far from happy, these were the days he wanted to be 'dead' dad has also heard T say this during this bad time.

Admittedly this was before medication but i knew as Ts mother that i had to do something fast to stop him going further into this depression (this is exactly what i saw happening to T) i said enough is enough and i will home school.

I did this for 6 months and i was 'checked out' in regards to the work i was doing with T, i was doing enough to ensure T was getting an education. However i did realise that the older T was getting i would not be competent enough to ensure he was getting what he needed and i guess that had an impact on me returning him to school. We did autonomous learning with set times for going to the library for use of the pc & books (this was before we had our home pc). Before long we were thrown out of the library due to Ts 'loud' noises and behaviour, we were in the special needs section so there was nowhere else to go for pc & books time Sad

I know ur more than capapble of teaching C at home hun and if that is what will be then let it be, maybe u could see how she gets on in the new year at sch and the minute u notice her regressing i would then probably think seriously about pulling her out. Giving it a chance in the new yr is all u can do and what matters is that C is happy & thriving, if not then u know what to do.

Thinking of ya hugging

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kebab

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   14/7/2008, 4:48 pm

Why don't you air your concerns with the head teacher and the teacher she has now, ask the new teacher how she copes with c, or possibly ask her to speak to the other teacher and let her know what has worked for her. If there becomes a problem then you know that it's the other teacher and not c. If it's a learning curve then why doe's the teacher she has now not have any problems. You could also try a few lessons at home over the hols to see how you both cope with home teaching.

Hope this helps xx
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GrandmaKyak

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   15/7/2008, 2:10 am

I agree with all the above. Talk to her present teacher & then see how C gets on at thev start of the new year. At the first sign of any stress or problems then pull C out & home tutor. Good luck! Keep us informed. xx
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mum2charlotte

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   15/7/2008, 8:57 am

I have emailed the Head for an informal discussion about all this.

My head is spinning and I am afraid that by wanting to do the right thing I am plunging towards disaster!

My head says that you all have made excellent sense but my heart keeps reminding me that C found this teacher very difficult and why am I potentially going to put her through it all over again....

Watch this space......and thank you all for your advice love heart
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mum2charlotte

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   16/7/2008, 12:33 pm

I got collared by the SENCo today (oo-er Missus! lol!) as I was leaving C at school and taken off to her office for a chat.

I made it very plain that I was deeply unhappy about the situation and she threw so many assurances at me I am starting get a bit worried! I mean, she was so desperate almost to see my side of things that I couldn't help wondering if I was the first person to air my concerns. When I said that I was seriously considering pulling C out of school I thought she was going to fall off her chair.

Now, I'd like to think that they have C's welfare at heart, and I'm sure that they do, BUT I can't help but feel that they are trying too hard. I have evidence of this teacher's behaviour towards C but they don't know that. They have taken everything I have said completely at face value. Now, call me cynical, BUT if that was me I sure as hell wouldn't!

So the next question is: When I pull C out of school, for whatever reason, presumably I have to say why? Are they being so nice to me because if I pull her solely because of this teacher they will get some kind of backlash?
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misty

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   17/7/2008, 2:16 am

hugging I dont think you would have to give a reason as to why u want to home school, I think its everybodys right to home school (altho Im no expert so u should double check). Is there another class in her year group? Is it possible for C to join that class instead?

Take care x
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mum2charlotte

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   17/7/2008, 2:55 am

There is no other Year 2 class, so it's this teacher or me!

I am still trying to make my decision, but after some things I heard at the school gate I am very probably nearly there....!
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misty

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   17/7/2008, 4:45 am

hugging
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GrandmaKyak

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   20/7/2008, 4:17 am

Thinking of you. hugging
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mum2charlotte

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   20/7/2008, 12:04 pm

My baby has regressed.
Again. Crying Crying Crying

I have shielded her from my concerns and haven't ranted in front of her, but what with all the upheaval that is the end of term, plus the fact that she knows she is getting a teacher she dislikes, she has reverted to her babyish behaviour.

Yelling "I want it now" constantly, the inane giggling at nothing (I really hate that so much freaks me out), crying at the drop of a hat and increasing the volume so that everything else is drowned out, mouthing everything, peeing herself etc etc etc.

Can't go on like this. I am trying everything I can think of to help her feel safe and happy, but she's "gone" more times than she's "here".

I need to move house!!!!!!!!!!
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GrandmaKyak

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   20/7/2008, 1:27 pm

Bless you both. How would she be if you told her she might not have to go back to that school? Maybe this is the definate answer you have been looking for. Have you googled private lettings for where you want to move to to see what's about? Is there anything holding you back from moving? How would she cope with moving?

Sorry! So many questions! xx
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mum2charlotte

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   20/7/2008, 2:27 pm

No worries G'ma! hugging

She wants to move as much as I do.

The thought of a bedroom each and a garden to play in. Well, it's a wonder she hasn't packed her bags already!

We're frantically saving as much money as possible so we can get the deposit on a somewhere else but we haven't got enough yet, plus the fact that it'll cost a fortune to move there and it won't all fit in my Ford KA! With me, her, the cat and the gerbils it will be quite snug as it is Wink

I HAVE told her that she doesn't have to go back to that school but she is convinced that she can only have Home School once we move! I am persevering though!
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GrandmaKyak

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   20/7/2008, 2:50 pm

Do you have a deposit on where you live now? Is it possible to hire a van to move? (I think you could get a deal on a weekend) You could maybe move on a Friday then bring the van back on a Saturday or Sunday & pick your car up. Very tiring I know but over & done with!! xx
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misty

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   21/7/2008, 1:58 am

hugging Have u decided to home ed before u move? I think this will def give C the stability she needs. I know what you mean about not being there, and I also understand completely about the giggling, dd does it alot aswell, seems like they are laughing at thin air.

hugging take care.
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mum2charlotte

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   21/7/2008, 2:09 am

I can deal with everything she does, but I can't bear the giggling. It gives me the creeps. affraid

So, we have decided to have a couple of hours every day at home where we do "school stuff". I got her report last week and there are a couple of areas where she is weak, so we can build on that. We have also decided (very democratic our household! Wink ) that when we go for trips out we will either write about it or draw the things we saw or grab leaflets and stuff and make a scrapbook for Home School.

It might help her with the routine and stability, and so long as I can make it fun enough (sigh), then she should want to do it. Rolling Eyes

We have to give 2 months notice to the landlord, which means that if I have to rent first it gives me extra time to save up for hiring a van. I also have to have 250.00 deposit on the van in case I break it! As if....

I have a 900.00 deposit on the house where we are (God bless Surrey!) but I won't get that back until I hand over the keys and then it would be as a cheque so I can't spend it anyway! Grr!

I'm not going to give in though.
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kebab

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   21/7/2008, 6:28 am

Sorry you've probably already answered this, can the council give you a house where you want to move to, or are you already on the list? If you explain the probs withh dd in this area then they might be able to help xx
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mum2charlotte

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PostSubject: Re: I really need some advice here...   21/7/2008, 7:27 am

I am already on the list and they actually have places I can bid for, which is more than there is where I live now!

When I applied I included all the letters I had from the LEA and her school and the paed and CAHMS and the Outreach team all saying that we NEED seperate rooms and an enclosed garden. I know that this helped as I am in a higher band than I am here (how does that work?). My LA won't help us as her "condition isn't life-threatening". Hmm. I'd love them to see her in a car-park and then still agree with that declaration!
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